Manners matter.

Michael311 · Joined: 14 Apr 2006 Posts: 14

Whenever I get a rude, violent reply to my post, I never return the bad energy. Instead, I try to take their side, even sympathize. This strategy has worked for me most of the time. In fact, many of my online friendships had rocky starts.

I noticed that people can often be in a bad mood. So, in midst of their irritation/anger, they come to random online communities and just unload on others. No matter how bad that is, I think you have to stay calm and not pick up their negative energy. Negative energy spreads faster than wild fire. In my opinion, one always has to stay calm, polite, and intelligent. It will always pay off in the end, in different ways. Smile

ThumperFive · Joined: 14 Apr 2006 Posts: 199

it's always hard to remember that words do hurt and have hurt people when they see a nasty response to an innocent post.

it's easy to forget that there are real people at the other end of the line and the monitor, coming off a good or a bad day at work or elsewhere... and keeping it polite should be almost mandatory, even if you yourself have had a bad day.

Michael311 · Joined: 14 Apr 2006 Posts: 14

Yes, being polite should be mandatory. However, as you said, and you are absolutely right, people forget that they are interacting with real people, not just nicknames on the screen.

Mike C · Joined: 14 Apr 2006 Posts: 5

I react in the same manner you do: polite, courteous, and sympathetic.

I try to sympathize with them and open their eyes to other perspectives. Then I offer advice and suggestions, and help in general.

It's never failed me, and I hope it doesn't ever.

ThumperFive · Joined: 14 Apr 2006 Posts: 199

sometimes joking can help as well - try and lighten up the entire thread with a bit of a laugh and bring everyone out of a "deep" conversation in a good way...

Wink

Lynn · Joined: 17 Apr 2006 Posts: 273 Location: Cumbria, UK

ThumperFive - So true. A sense of humour is definitely required.

As with anything else there are twits out there that don't know how to spell manners, let alone know the definition.

I like to equate being in forums as being in a bar or cafe, meeting people, having conversations. The only real difference is, in a bar or cafe you can see the twits coming.

simplicity · Joined: 21 Apr 2006 Posts: 5 Location: UK

Absolutely. It's so easy to get wound up by rude replies to your postings, isn't it? If we didn't have a sense of humour we'd probably all end up in straitjackets!!

Michael311 - I admire your control and attitude to rude posters. I agree that sympathising with the other side is good strategy - as long as you agree to disagree in the end. It can't be good for YOU to always take the other side just because somebody is getting stressed over it. Then again, I'm probably just not as nice as you are Laughing

In fact .... no ... no ... let's not go there (too depressing)! HA!

simplicity

JPike · Joined: 20 Apr 2006 Posts: 8

I semi-agree with you. I mean, if you have been at the forum a while and know how the different forumers react to different things, then you have to say different things. For instance, there are the people who can laugh at their mistakes and won't get upset after a joke or two about it (dont go overboard though Wink

), then there are the kind of people who will get angered and start a flame war with you, then there are the people who just sort of slink away and get depressed.

The same with rude posters. If you know the person and their not usually like that, that just means that they've had a bad day and there's no reason to make it worse. If you don't know the person, start an argument Razz

That's not a joke. Most people take these things way too seriously, and forget that that's exactly what a forum is for, debate. If everybody just goes around agreeing with each other, then there's no point in discussing it.

For the people that you already know and ARE always rude like that, the classic "stfu" is the correct response, then just continuing with the discussion (DO NOT SPAM)

TBH, most people don't really care that somebody they've never seen or known thinks they suck or something, and flaming is not that big a deal. Most forumers will just ignore it and move on with discussion.

Cognito · Joined: 23 Apr 2006 Posts: 6 Location: Pacific Northwest

I agree with most of what has been posted thus far.

Sometimes a clever retort to, or exposure of shallowness or rudeness is better than turning the other cheek, however. At least that is an option I sometimes try to exercise....the idea being to raise both standards and the level of discourse.

As we all know, forums provide a conduit for the manifestation of anti-social behavior....many people behave online in ways they could never get away with in the real world. It is rarely worth getting into arguments with these folks...that is why moderators exist.

I am reminded of the expression: never wrestle with a pig....both just end up getting muddy, nobody can tell which one is the pig...besides, the pig just enjoys it. Very Happy

NicoleJLeBoeuf · Posted: Sun Apr 23, 2006 11:42 pm Post subject:

The flip side of "some people just take things too seriously"

is

"Some people appoint themselves sole arbitrators of 'who's taking things too seriously', and are using the high holy mantra of 'lighten up' as an excuse to be disrespectful and downright jerk-like."

Not all forums are meant to be debates. It's best to respect the purpose of the forum. I've seen one too many flamewars start because some newcomer thinks that the forum is too tame and so starts trolling in order to remedy this. When they eventually get banned for troll-like behavior, they lament that their fate is an example of yet another forum that can't stand dissent. Problem with their claim is, they never tried voicing their dissent in a respectful manner. They started off trying to get people's goat right off the bat.

One of the worst of these actually responded to warnings with, "If you can't take the heat, get out the kitchen!" Problem was, the forum he joined was not meant to be a kitchen. It was more of a cozy living room. He got banned, essentially, for trying to set the sofa on fire.

Respect for others and for the forum moderators is very important, and should be taken seriously. IMHO of course.
_________________
Nicole J. LeBoeuf : actually writing blog

crassus · Joined: 15 May 2006 Posts: 22 Location: Savannah ,GA

Most of the time I will respond to rude creatures in a sarcastic fashion. Maybe two sentences to send a message that he/she is not really cared for. By no means, though, will I waste too much time debating such a creature. Usually that is what such people want, and what gives them the feeling of victory.

JAndrews · Joined: 24 Mar 2006 Posts: 17 Location: Indiana

I teach a high school speech class, and we spend one class period talking about chatting online and internet forums. Manners are always something we come back to time and time again.

Some of the tips that have come up in various semesters is the whole "agree to disagree" thing. This allows people to hold their opinion, and even discuss it, with a little less hostility.

One of the things that I also point out to my students is that INFLECTION DOES NOT COME THROUGH IN CHAT. If they are chatting with someone that they have not spoken to IRL, then they are missing the nuances of the person's facial expressions, or tone of voice... sarcasm especially can come out wrong.

So, final conclusion: Manners matter.

puchchu · Joined: 23 Apr 2007 Posts: 35

Yes, it is easy to write anything to online writes. You can comment anything you want. No one is going to find you. So most of the people are not serious while they have been writing comments.
Author, by human nature always wants to hear something good about his piece but everyday is not rosy day so s/he should be ready to face ctitisim. s/he must have tolerance power and need to give decent reply so that s/he could make good impression.
Manner matters a lot, it shows your personality.

Chinaski · Joined: 24 Apr 2007 Posts: 5

This is why the Internet can be a double-edged sword. The anonymity is nice but it also can create situations where people act like savages. When people are anonymous they are more likely to say things they wouldn't normally say. Sometimes this is positive because they are more honest and open, but sometimes they are just plain brutal. There have been several cases where young people have actually committed suicide because of things other kids have said about them on the Internet. They are looking into regulating and possibly placing legal repercussions on such behavior.
You have to have a thick skin, and take things in stride.

kmk · Joined: 17 Oct 2007 Posts: 6

I've made it a personal rule that I don't type anything - in emails, in IMs, in texts or in forums - that I wouldn't want my grandma to read. If everyone went by that same guideline I think the internet would be a much happier place.

HouseKat · Joined: 08 Dec 2007 Posts: 6

I agree fully that manners matter. It can get frustrating to interact with people that are not capable of carrying on a conversation or debate without turning it into something ugly.

Of course, it can also be funny at times when they continue to berate people that will not meet them on that level. Almost like you can picture them jumping up and down and screaming at the computer screen because others will not take the bait.

I work hard to remember that, if we all behaved the same way, it would probably get to be boring sometimes. Just like in the "real world", it takes all kinds to make the cyber world go round!

BlackWatch · Joined: 11 Dec 2007 Posts: 17

It's not what you say, it's how you say it. Treat people the way you want to be treated. Sounds like The Golden Rule doesn't it. Wink

xanadu324 · Joined: 06 Jan 2008 Posts: 7

I have to agree. When typing, the mood that you set may not always come across. It's very easy for someone to get offended by something you never meant to be construed in that manner. It's definitely smart to not fight back. Not only could you lose members of the forum, but you could also make it worse. I think the best way to handle a rude poster is either to not reply, or just simply apologize and try to explain what you meant. A good idea before you post is to read your post out of context, and see if a friend, or yourself, could find another way to interpret it that may not come across as how you are saying it.

shauna7084 · Joined: 24 Feb 2008 Posts: 5

It seems that people are more apt to be rude online than off. I guess it's the anonymity thing. I really like the advice everyone has given in this thread, though. It sounds like I may need to take a lot of it especially if I'm given the opportunity to post as a Booster!! Wish me luck guys!!!

Shauna

Philoram · Joined: 08 Jul 2008 Posts: 7

Correct! Being rude or nasty only looks bad on you. If someone is being rude or mean in a post or reply, then reply with kindness and intellect, and the readers will think poorly of the mean poster and not yourself.